How to get more self-confidence and be independent

Published by feelingcolourful on

Humans are social beings. We need to belong somewhere, have family and friends. However, we also have the urge to live independent and go our own way. Balancing both of those needs can be difficult when it comes to living in an healthy relationship. The following steps will show you a way to live more independent in an relationship while gaining more self-confidence.

The Method

You need: a quiet, peaceful place and half an hour. Close your eyes and let‘s begin.

1. Your connection to the other person

Imagine the person you have developed a codependency with. Let him/her appear in front of you. How does he/she look like? What is she wearing?
Now sense the connection between the other person and yourself. What does this connection look like? Is it a rope or a heavy chain? Does it start in your stomach or in your head? Where does the connection end in the other person’s body?

2. Try to let go

After having identified the connection, imagine to cut it off. You could think of a pair of scissors cutting through the cord. Sense how you feel about this disconnection. At this point, you don‘t really have to disconnect from the image of the other person. Just sensing that this would be uncomfortable is enough.

Instead, ask yourself: What is the reason behind the connection? Am I looking for love, appreciation or safety? What is this connection replacing?

3. See your developed self

Let a developed you appear to your right or left – depending on what feels best for you. This you has already found a replacement for the connection and is always there for you. The developed you has already gathered all of the information needed to be independent and get more self-confidence.

4. Finding a new connection

Now feel the connection to the other person again. Imagine cutting through this connection. Instead, connect to the other you in the same way you did to the other person. From now on, this new connection will always accompany you.
In contrast, the other person can now intensify the connection to him-/herself again. Maybe you see the rope going back into the person‘s stomach?

5. Feeling the new you

Finally, step into the other you and feel the information he/she has gathered. How does it feel to have access to this resourceful and wise you?

Having done that, go back to the you sitting in the room with his eyes closed. You’re now back in the present. You can even imagine yourself living a more independent life in the future. How is the new connection to yourself serving you?

Go through this process as often as you like. This method is no magic pill resolving all of your problems, but can help you every time you use it.


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